Friday, May 15, 2015

Reflecting back...

I found an old unpublished blog post that I wrote about six years ago. I am not sure why I never shared it. I thought I would share it today because I was speaking so openly about my struggles with food addiction (maybe because I knew I wasn't going to publish it?) I wish I could say that I have since overcome them, but I haven't. I think it is always going to be a struggle and a battle for me.

My tumultuous relationship with food started when I was around twelve or thirteen. I don't think it was any one particular thing that triggered it - but rather a multitude of life changes that I was unprepared for at such a tender age. I think it started out as a need to have some kind of control because everything else around me was spiraling so chaotically. It began at the opposite end of where I find myself today. Food was the enemy, not the friend.

I can't pinpoint when the change happened but I know I didn't move from being anorexic to obese over night. It seems to me that there was some point in between, when food didn't play such a big role in my life. Maybe I am wrong about that. Whatever the case, the change happened. Somewhere along the way, food and I mended our differences and developed an intimate friendship. Only now, am I able to look back on the years spent bonding with brownies and see that it was definitely a one sided friendship. The only thing gained was pounds of unwanted fat that in the long run have made me much more miserable then any temporary comfort was ever worth. Now I have the difficult task of severing that friendship so that I can begin my journey toward a healthier, happier me.

I have made the decision to follow a low carb plan. Having tried nearly every diet out there, Atkins was the only one that I ever really had success with. Knowing that, I believe it's the right choice for me and since it is my body and my life I have to do what I feel is best for me even if i don't get as much support as I'd like too. 

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